As a foster parent, you have the opportunity to make a positive impact on a child’s life. You have the opportunity provide them with a loving, nurturing environment. Bonding with foster children can be challenging at first. It goes without saying that you did not birth them and in most cases, they are complete strangers at first. To bond with a foster child, that has trauma, it is going to force you to be very intentional. Here are some tips for how to bond with your foster kids:
Spend quality time with your foster kids to bond.
One of the most important things you can do to bond with your foster child is to spend quality time together. This could include going on outings, doing crafts or activities, or one that has proven to be very beneficial for us, going on a walk with a dog. Spending one on one time specifically is shown to build trust faster. The number one reason children are in foster care is neglect, and spending time with your foster child will help minimize the harmful effects that neglect can have on them. The key is to make sure that you are fully present and engaged during this time, and that you are showing your foster child that they are important to you.
Show your foster kids love and affection to bond.
Children thrive on love and affection, and foster children are no exception. Show your foster child that you care about them by giving them hugs, kisses, and verbal affirmations of your love. Obviously, this is after building a certain level of trust with them. Some children that come through your house will have backgrounds that this kind of behavior could make them feel uncomfortable. If this is the case, you will have to get creative about how you show them love and affection. There are a lot of good books like this one that will help you understand your foster child’s love language. This will help them feel safe and secure in their new environment and will help build trust between you.
Communicate openly and honestly with your foster kids to bond.
A strong connection begins with great communication. Open and honest communication is essential for building a strong bond with your foster child. Keep in mind that communicating goes both ways, and it is just as important to listen as it is to relay information. Make sure to listen actively to your foster child and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings with you. At times you may feel like a therapist, but just understand you do not have to have a perfect response, sometimes just listening and talking with them is all they need. This will help them feel heard and understood and will help build trust and respect between you. When your foster child feels they have you in their corner and trust them, they will be able to grow and flourish.
Be consistent with your foster kids to bond.
Being consistent may be the most important tip in this article. Consistency is key when it comes to bonding with a foster child. Most children who are in the system have been lied to, have been misled, or abused in some way by someone with a lot of influence to them. A lot of the children in the system are not trusting because of someone that was supposed to care for them let them down in a big way. Being consistent with them is doing what you say you’re going to do, sticking to a schedule so they know what to expect, and following through with them because a lot of people may have given up on them. This can include things like set mealtimes, bedtimes, and other daily routines.
Be patient with your foster kids.
It could be said that if you stick any child in a stranger’s home, then they are going to have a hard time adjusting and need patience to make it through these big changes. This is the experience your foster child is going through but with added trauma. Bonding with a foster child takes time and patience. Foster children may have experienced trauma or other difficult circumstances in their past, and it may take some time for them to trust and open up to you. Be patient and understanding and remember that building a bond with a foster child is a process that takes time. Also, be patient because it is so worth it. From our experience, the moment you build the bond with your foster child, by being patient, the relationship you gain will be unlike any other.
Show interest in your foster kid’s life.
It is important to show interest in their life, their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, their friends and school. This looks like, listening to their stories about their day at school, finding out their favorite show, or even learning their favorite meal and making it often for dinner. When you take interest in a child’s life it shows them you care. You can tell them care but showing it in this way prove to them that you care. This can also work in the reverse, share with your foster children your interests and your favorite things and you may find something to bond over. You may show them something they may learn to love. This will help you understand them better and also help you find common ground.
Show your sense of humor to your foster kids.
Showing your sense of humor is showing your foster child a side of you that is more vulnerable and able to relate to. Having a sense of humor and being able to laugh together can help break the ice and make the child feel more comfortable. Showing your sense of humor is a way of building trust with your foster child in a way that will help you build a bond quicker. Think of what you do with all of your closest friends, you get together and tell stories and jokes and laugh together. Try to replicate this with your foster children. It goes without saying that most the children in the system have had a tough and stressful life and need to laugh and feel happy. This will also help in making the child feel more relaxed and open to share their thoughts and feelings with you.
In conclusion, the children in the system are just normal children. They may have trauma, disabilities, or behavioral issues, but they require the same love, attention, and consistency as all other children. Bonding with a foster child takes time, patience, and a lot of love. By spending quality time together, showing them love and affection, communicating openly and honestly, being consistent, and showing interest in their life, you can help your foster child feel safe, secure, and loved. Remember to be patient, and always keep in mind that building a bond with a foster child is a process that takes time. Keep in mind that when you finally build that bond with your foster child, all of this will be so worth it.
If you want to read more about how to say goodbye to a foster child, click here.